I'm Not That Human Anymore
by Gothic Thorn
Summary: Dib finds out how he was created... the fact that he was a clone? What could this mean for his relationship with Zim? Zadr! One-shot. Very mild swearing.


**A/N This has sat on the editing shelf quite a while. I'm going to be brave and post it. Good ZaDr should be one of two things, angst or something silly that could almost have been on the show. This isn't either of those... Trust me I hate cheesy fluffy ZaDr. I think why ZaDr must be one of those things is the fact that what we've read tends to become badly written and cheesy otherwise. I tried my best not to do that here. I'd like to think of this as just like the angsty one-shots for a one sided "romance" I've been doing or planning on doing, that just happened to happen at the same time. I hope this isn't as bad as I fear it is. **

Dib knew he shouldn't care. He had gone this long hadn't he? This long without knowing...

Dib pushed a door open, and found his dad holding tools up to some sort of machine, producing a smoking white light.

"Umm... Dad? I know you're busy, but..." Dib waited for a response, but receiving none went on. "I'd like to know about my mother. I mean, I'm sure must I have one—"

Professor Membrane dropped whatever he was working on with a giant clang. "I knew this day would come."

He turned to face his son and got down on one knee to keep his eye-level. "You see son, you don't have one."

Dib wasn't sure how he felt about hearing this. He didn't know if he should have been disappointed.

"I knew the human race needed me for any hope of progress and survival. But alas, my designs for immortality were far too dangerous to use. So, I created you and your sister using my genetics and science!" He chuckled, "yes you're like my clones." As soon as the sentence was complete he stood up to continue what he had been working on. Dib was left to take in what he'd heard.

Created? Science? He was just some experiment? He slumped over to where Gaz was gaming on the couch.

"Gaz! Gaz, we're some freaky clones of science!"

"I figured as much." Her eyes never leaving her Game Slave.

Did he have a soul? What gave him his conscious mind? What gave any person a conscious mind? What was the processes that apparently Dib, hadn't missed out on? Maybe he had missed out on it. He waved his hands in front of his face. No, he was pretty sure he had a conscious mind. He had not missed out on the things that made a person a person. That sense of morals and self-awareness that man slowly evolved into after thousands of years—or possibly given from a higher being. Dib wasn't sure which. But, God he was like some creepy Frankenstein monster!

Dib walk to the front door and stepped outside, needing to get some air.

Maybe Dib was only being dramatic. After all people were born in petri dishes all the time! Though that took two people... sure he had a conscious, but... what about his soul? There was absolutely no one to talk about this with. And he needed to get philosophical.

Humans were beyond any animal because of their morals, right? ...man's sense of morals? It wasn't exactly etched onto them like facial features. At least man had the ability to identify them. Although there was always Freudian psychology. What morals there were to cause all of man's actions were brought on by underlying motives deep in their subconscious, and they merely rationalized what they could do to be fine by the social standards set from the entire species who followed the same invisible code. Then there were psychopaths with no sense of guilt merely mirroring what they saw from society. Clearly whatever behaviour he was using to mask his subconscious motives were mixed up by social standards as no one seemed to really accept him. Talking to himself... his rants on the supernatural... He was only trying to save the human race dammit! But what the hell was he?

Zim.

If his data collecting from bugged computers told him anything it was that Zim was born exactly the same way he was. He too was some project of biology. Mass biology... though worse? His brain was a piece of technology! What did that say for his conscious mind?

Dib stared blankly at the men's room door that marked Zim's base, trying to remember what exactly brought him there. Why would Zim even want to answer his questions or talk him through this? Had he even considered what all these questions meant? Of course not. Zim had spent his entire life knowing where he come from, and that he was the same as everyone who used to surround him. Why would he feel differently about any of this?

Dib rang the door bell.

But who else could he talk to?

The door swung open and a disguised Zim eyed Dib up and down, a hand still on the knob."What?"

Dib jumped a little, not sure of what words to use. It was a stupid idea to come here.

"Zim... I'm sorry. I just—I found out something. I thought it was bad, but really I think it might be good now that I—I was wondering if you..."

Dib was carefully not to say the exact words that he was seeking help from Zim. That certainly didn't go well in past. Zim was just staring at him, wanting Dib to hurry up and make his point.

"You see, Zim I was bio-engineered. I know that I'm the same as Irkens and—"

"What! You the same as an Irken?! How dare you—"

"I just meant we were both made—"

"For you to be 'made' is _not_ the same! The Irken race has reached the highest possible place evolution can bring you. Millions of years farther than _humans_! I wouldn't be surprised if your pathetic race has moved backwards! Have you looked around? Have you seen your slimmed filled walls? How the city is filled with humans who don't bathe? How all the pig-filled meat children of the skool are deformed... mutated beast things?"

Dib only smiled. "You see Zim that's the thing! All those horrible kids at our skool? I'm not one of them! I've been... well bred I guess— further past them! Well, look at my father! He's much more... evolved than everyone else. I was engineered to be too!"

Zim stuck out a lip. He seemed blank for a moment then fell back into acting exactly like, well Zim.

"If you're so much more _advanced_ than everyone why do you still sleep? Irkens don't! You all eat out of necessity! Irkens have moved on to the foods only consumed for our enjoyment! You should see what your people look like when they've had too many simple carbohydrates and refined sugar!"

"Well yeah, Zim but it's not like I'd be millions of years—"

"And if you're supposed to be so far ahead of all the humans, why do you have those stupid glasses? If you were made to be the best your species and resources had to offer don't you think you could have been created to have... oh I don't know, perfect eyesight!"

Dib hadn't considered this.

"Or," Zim continued, "a smaller head? And I've noticed you don't seem very patient with anything. In fact you're almost never happy. Isn't that something they value on this planet? I mean if you were going to create a human wouldn't you choose them to be must better than having the faults of every—"

"Okay! So, I'm not perfect!" Dib threw his hands in the air unable to hear another word. Unsure of what to do with himself he turned his back and sat on Zim's porch in a huff.

Zim patiently sat next to Dib.

Dib sighed. "I just... I don't know. I thought that maybe if you saw I wasn't like those 'filthy humans'... I thought..."

"If you would just acknowledge that Irken's are the superior species! Listen, Dib... You _are_ so much better than those filthy humans. You're actually aware of what's just in front of your nose. You're not oblivious to anything and actually quite high-minded. You're so determined and loyal to help those who just simply don't deserve it! And watching your reaction when no one takes you seriously... All those times you've realise just how ridiculous you can sound... if you weren't human in that sense... if you're not a human..."

If he wasn't human...

Zim leaned forward and gently pressed his lips onto Dib's. He pulled Dib's shoulder closer and he did not fight it.

Zim finally let go of any fear, denial, and self loathing for what he felt for Dib. Perhaps it really was the first time he admitted it fully. So what if Dib was a part of the lowly species on the planet he was going to destroy? He had been made at least a little like an Irken. It was just the excuse he needed to finally let go, and admit Dib was absolutely nothing like the humans around him. To admit any time he was excited to see Dib was not somehow connected to his plans for defeating him. To admit he was constantly looking forward to their little brawls. How he was so impressed, a least a bit from the mixture of annoyance, whenever Dib skillfully, yet so over-determinedly thwarted his plans. How while creating them he wanted to impress the Dib, like a hidden bitter after taste. Not that it was all that hidden after all.

Now Dib could be the lost Irken warrior he would bring back in disguise once he crushed this planet. Dib, especially now that he felt a little superior to the rest of the world, would not object.

Zim even wondered if perhaps he could bring Dib home without a disguise. If his conquering of the Earth would bring him enough respect maybe he could explain Dib was the one exception that a species could have someone worthy of the Irken race.

Dib honestly was quite glad to find out he was some clone. He thought it could have been the final push someone as stubborn as Zim would need. But it was still such a stretch. Dib rushed to the Irkens base before he could consider the many outcomes involving rejection. Zim took Dib to be so inferior through his crazy alien egotistics. When he sat on Zim's porch in defeat he couldn't believe he had actually thought this would work. He felt angry for even letting his guard down long enough to try. As Zim rushed to say those wonderful words about him, and unfinished trails about his quirky nonsense he felt lightheaded. He couldn't believe anyone could see him that way. Certainly not his mortal enemy.

And then Zim kissed him.

And he was taken completely off guard.

And he was angry.

How dare Zim invade the wall Dib had been building through lip to lip contact. To give him what he had grown weak wishing for. To make him think Zim could actually care in the obsessive ways he did. There was quite a fuzzy line when all of Dib's plotting, information gathering, and un-sugarcoated spying stopped having the purpose of exposing Zim and was rather... because he wanted to. At some vague point he lost his zeal as the sole defender of Earth, and came back to his own needs. He always kept a cautious eye on Zim, never hesitating to disrupt the really big plans, yet never quite wanting to make the full commitment of revealing his extra terrestrial identity. That was something he wanted to keep all to himself. Selfish really, but Zim could never understand what he really meant to Dib... if he did he would scoff and use it as a weapon against him. That was why he tucked away his feelings deep inside him, solidifying them in place with a vague sense of denial. So how dare Zim kiss him when his every touch would make him squirm with pleasure fighting himself not to enjoy it.

But Zim grabbed his shoulder and pulled him in closer. It was gentle yet decisive. Zim wanted this. It wasn't some mind game or experiment to prove he was weak enough to be destroyed.

Dib grabbed onto Zim's collar and gave him a returning tug. He was no longer fighting against his desires with every last ounce of his strength. He finally broke that wall, letting everything burst forth as if a dam had given way. Every nerve was electrified as he melted into this kiss.

Finally they broke apart. Breath was rapid, heads were faint, and insides were pounding with heat. Zim was the first to speak.

"If you're not human I won't have to feel repulsed about that."

Dib didn't think that was the nicest thing to say right after you had kissed someone, but he decided he wouldn't say anything. In fact he wouldn't be talking for a while. He didn't want a single thing to jeopardize this new possible truce.

* * *

So, maybe it's because they kiss? I don't know, but certain forms of ZaDr tend to get ridiculed, which can be for good reason. I just hope this isn't one of the bad ones. I do not own these characters. Reviews are welcome! Oh, and thanks for reading!


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